I haven't been this sober since birth.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Okay! I've got my sketchbook, my purse, my coat, and a knife hidden in my cleavage. I'm ready for to meet my blind date~
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Goodnight Shia. Goodnight Moon.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
Randomize
