I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
He kissed a someone with a penis
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
Dude, for your own safety, do not bring that chick home. I'm pretty sure you're going to find a marsupial pouch smuggling a fresh batch of herpes under that hoodie. Bail bail bail bail bail.
You crossed every boundary on the boundary spectrum last night. You're like the illegal immigrant of drunk actions. No more holiday drinking for you.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
that's the best thing i've ever said to a penis
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
