just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
