thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
went for icecream. accidentally deepthroated it. my mom gave me a dirty look, but the kid behind the counter looked impressed
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
About the whale....I wasn't completely awake.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize