You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
I feel like I'm in dance class right now
wat bout pragnant strippers??
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
Seriously insulted!! You can not share my dick pick with your gay brother. He won't quit poking me on fb
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
