I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
my sisters under your porch take her home
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize
