I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I thought we agreed I wasn't a screamer?
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
I mean that was the nicest way to be dumped by some one I wasn't dating.
Randomize
