It's not true, it's not true! She's too full of cheese to have sexy time!
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
I need a beard to bite.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You tore a poster off a lamppost and ATE IT. That drunk.
Randomize
