You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
