I smell stomach acid.
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I think I just legit sprained my wrist from holding myself up while giving a blow J. God dammit come already
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Also, I found this app that is basically a tamagochi from the 90's and now I finally have something to keep me busy at work!
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
