Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Thank you for dog sitting, there is $60 on my desk to be spent on DRUGS AND/OR GAS ONLY not that food stuff people crave.
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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