I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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