My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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