I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
i seriously wanted to pee on her right then.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
I hope none of us try to run for public office one day
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Randomize
