WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
It took you an unbelievable amount of time to realize that your ass was on fire.
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
why oh why did i suck thise tits. nothing but trouble fuuuuuu
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
It's George Washington's Birthday. Can you not put on some red white and blue and get really drunk for the original Merican??
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Randomize
