Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I smell like Dick and happiness
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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