we made out on top of his cat.
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
Randomize
