how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He tried to use a signal flare to light the bong
And?
He melted the stem
Two hot shots of tequila for breakfast? Yeah today is gonna be a shit show
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
