Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
ive been a drunken mess for the last 5 days. i feel like a 19 year old again
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
Everyone here is taking crazy amounts of mescaline and I'm just over here like hey have you tried the pretzel rolls mmm
The dysfunction is strong in this one.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
