the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I know, it's just the worst. Also, security almost took the burrito I brought for lunch. I thought I was going to have to pull a Liz Lemon and eat the whole thing before I could go through.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
