3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I want sex. When is an appropriate time post funeral to ask for something like that. Like when it gets dark out?
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize