i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
