dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
I got 70 on my final, or put differently, I got a "still graduating" on my final.
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
One sec I was having the time of my life, the next I was shitting water
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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