So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
I wish i didn't black out tuesday so i could have cherished our moment together
Throwing up together is NOT a cherishable moment...
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