Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
I'm in the "I'd rather have Carbs than Dick phase" part of my Life right now. YOU tell me how much Skinny Sex I'm having.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Randomize
