he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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