erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Come back. Shots need mouths.
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Maybe because you rubbed my clit while we were making churros
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
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