So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
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