Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He moved away. I mourned his dick all of Sunday. I feel a little better now.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
You're 34. You can't make guys wait till the third date anymore. Step it up!
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
She gave you a handy in the bar and you were surprised she was good with a dick?
Hahah good point
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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