shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I'm like the kid who wants his birthday and christmas equally. Every time I get one I want the other. Only I don't want holidays I want brothers
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
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