rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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