the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
