I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
Seriously, why do I have a mortar round?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
You think that was bad? One time my parents found my sister half naked on top of the four runner in the garage. She makes me look like the good child.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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