and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
It took him an hour to realize I wasn't this "Sarah" girl, and by then he was already crying and eating pizza rolls.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Dude, someone puked in my washing machine last night, I tried turning it on to clean it...not a good idea
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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