I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
Did you just buzz the apartment and throw shit at the window? Josh and rob came into my room and woke me up
Fuck you Ian. U owe me $3.65 cuz thasts what I thfrew at ur window trying to wake ur ass up. And fuck u for not giving a shit
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
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