im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
For new year's, we should just keep our resolution simple and keep accomplishing burpees in heels.... while drunk.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Randomize
