A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I guess what I'm trying to say is you've fucked more people than the economy.
I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
He has that cheese in a can and he's eating it. I have never seen that outside a goofy movie.
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
I feel more comfortable going down on her then actually kissing her.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
My roommate just walked in on him eating me out ..happy finals week right?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
