I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
Holy shit, I just successfully took and sent a boob pic AT MY DESK I have conquered an entire new level of skill.
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