Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
Randomize
