At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
i'm thankful for my girlfriend's hot cousins....god, i love her family parties.
A donut and a mojito for breakfast...Helloooooo Derby Wekkend!
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Fuck me this girl I went home with has a cover on her remote control so there is no spills to ruin it. Imagine how many condoms she's going to make me wear
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
Randomize
