the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I am at a striph cluv. They are ovealls everywhere. I have hot rock botto.
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He came in my nose, then said it would help clear my sinuses.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
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