I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
My desperation for dick was off put by his anime figure collection.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
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