Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He told me his condom was going to expire tomorrow and he needed to use it. I can't believe I fell for it.
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
My history professo slid into my DMs. Granted I did give him “fuck me” eyes during a lecture a few times.
Randomize
