I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
That number that I thought was that dude's number...was actually my district manager's number. Fuckkkk.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I somehow turned head, shoulders, knees, and toes into a sobriety test
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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