He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
As soon as I got there, you appeared out of no where, yelled "they're giving away free cigarettes!" in my face and then disappeared and I didn't see you the rest of the night.
I can show you the world. Shining, splimbering vaginaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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