So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
That final makes me want to drink myself into the fetal position
Why did I wake up to a snap chat of myself drinking beer out of a blender?
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I SHOULD BE TERRIFIED OF HIS DRAGON DICK.
Randomize
