in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
HOW LONG TILL THESE DRUGS WEAR OFF. I WORK IN ONE HOUR, I REPEAT, I WORK IN ONE HOUR.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
You ever stub your boner? It happened to me. Just know that drugs and strip poker and a hot tub. I'll Regale you with the story over drinks later.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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