So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Once again I am on the toilet and refuse to get up
What a great time to reflect on life
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize