Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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