apparently when i got back to tyler's i layed face down on the bed and yelled "don't hurt my asshole!"
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
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