YEA!!! I'll throw you a non-baby shower.
If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
when i woke up i was missing $380 from my bank account
damn...impressive bar tab
no i guess i bought a gasoline powered blender off ebay, i need a breathalyzer for my computer
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
crossed #23 off the Slucket List!
YOU JUST MADE YOUR SLUCKET LIST THIS MORNING.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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