Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
you kept lifting my skirt up, yelling "PANTY PARTY". needless to say, you're at the top of my father's shit list right now.
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You know what a wolf looks like when it kills a small animal? How it shakes it around in it's mouth? I did that to a bag of Taco Bell last night
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I HAVENT HAD A NICE A NICE DICK SINCE FEBRUARY!! I WANNA KEEP THIS ONE!!!
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
