The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
my friend was passed out in the bathroom so I threw up in the coffee maker, not the pot the water reservoir that kind of drunk.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
