I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
You were making dinosaur noises while jerking me off..
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Can I send you a picture of my penis? I feel like it looks really good right now and I need someone to share it with
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
You have talents. You got me laid two weekends in a row in two different cities.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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