I woke up this morning with "guy in polar bear j.crew boxers" written on my stomach along with a 5 digit phone number...
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
