help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
is it bad that the cashier at chick-fil-a shouted "see you tomorrow!" as i drove away?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
DRUNK COOKIES
Are you drunk or are the cookies drunk or are these cookies that get you drunk?
Yes
Randomize
