Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
i knew he was a douchebag when his facebook activities were "ladeis," and "gettin crunk wit ladeis"
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
HIS NAME IN MY PHONE IS JOSHUA DREAMCHASER I CAN NOT
NO SHAME NOVEMBER
I wish I had a clear image of the dude who was sucking on my tit outside the bar last night
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
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