you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
