Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
DON'T WEAR PANTS.
I REPEAT.
DO. NOT. WEAR. TROUSERS.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
I'm committing myself to dance. Also, I'm unsure if you said space party sounded lame because dude was old, but I hope you're over it because I love space, and I love David Bowie and I love to dance, and you need to embrace this with me.
I have no regard for my liver, you should know this.
Randomize