Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I guess I fist pumped too hard. I hit my mom in the face and now we're sitting in the ER.
When we told the nurse what happened, she replied with "OH, Well you don't look Italian to me!"
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Randomize