so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I need a burrito and a hug.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
