Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
Well, for starters you dressed up in all Green and kept singing that song from "A Goofy Movie". Then you made us call you Powerline for the rest of the night...needless to say no, you didn't hook up with her
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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