this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
i've created a new STD.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
It reeks of weed and poor life decisions in here
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Randomize
