We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
I couldnt find her vag and just started laughing uncontrollably. She was not pleased. Neither was i.
I should have known there'd be issues when he included "beautiful soul" in our playlist
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
You're a Heat fan? You lose any chance blowjob bc of your poor choice.
She was a little thick, but we banged on the beach and fireworks went off as we finished so I think God wanted it
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
