just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
Who are you to come into MY house and tell me when I can or cannot take my pants off?
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
I just crop dusted the hot FedEx guy delivering my business cards...then asked him "Was that you?" How the fuck am I allowed to be an adult?
Hey, do you know the person who woke me up last night at 1 in the morning yelling and being carried through the courtyard?
That was me Mom...
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