That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
just smoked a bowl with my history teacher. i love community college
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
