Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He stood next to me peeing as I was puking behind a car in the parking lot, telling me how much he loved me. On the other hand, he loves me!
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
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