so i asked him why he doesn't wanna see me anymore and he said he was questioning his sexuality. cool.
i think i have herpe
just one?
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I get a little bitchy. We all know that
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
Randomize
