i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I took chris brown's side in the conversation ... cut to me not getting laid tonight
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
Randomize
