I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Randomize
