just learned how to wash a penis. thank you nursing school for getting me the most action i've had in months.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
I CAN CONTROL MY GERBIL WITH MY BREATH. HE FOLLOWS THE SMELL. PROBABLY WOULDNT BE AS EXCITING IF I WASNT HIGH OFF MY ASS, BUT STILL
I may or may not have had sex last night then sent him home on a bike with two flats
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Randomize
