She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
