I don't think brook has ever known best
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
Randomize
