I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I got eye-fucked by an 80 year old man wearing a cowboy hat while I was singing country. How do you think karaoke went?
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
Those brownies did us in. I honestly blacked out completely.
What brownies? Ohmygod.
Randomize
