Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
Good luck! Who knows he might be a stallion in the bedroom! or it could be like having sex with a crayon.
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
a pansexual with facepaint started fucking a tall black girl on the bed i was sitting on so im going to mcdonalds
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
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