So the D.A.R.E. essay I helped my tutor kid write won an award. Oh the irony.
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Randomize
