OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Your vagina is not a steamboat from the 1800's
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
Randomize
