When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
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