I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
please come you make the beer taste better
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
