doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Exactly. I don't do penetration on the first date. Blowjobs however are perfectly acceptable.
I encourage the greeting beej. It determines if the dick is worth keeping around.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
She made me sing happy birthday to myself at the urinal.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I had to photo shop your nipple piercings. that was extremely awkward.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
If I wear a tail on Halloween, how am I supposed to grind? Maybe I will just wear devil horns
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Randomize
