she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I was shitfaced. I filled my contact case WITH TANNING LOTION
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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