this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
If you're receiving this text it's probably because I drunkenly flashed you on Saturday. Sorry for forcing you to look at my tits. That was uncalled for.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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