When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
VODKAVODKAVODKAYESSSS
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
