My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
