Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
this is an emotional support booty call
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
Randomize
