You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Randomize
