Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I legit just swiped right with a Tinder feminist just to get in an argument with her. Soo that's my Friday night so far...
I'm super disappointed in my clit.
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
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