She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
You know what sound is wonderful for a hangover? Listening to the horns from the South Africans at the world cup
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
