pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
I have post one night stand depression
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