If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
Just in case you blacked out, we had sex, you came in me, we need plan B, we fell off your top bunk, broke your roommates chair, i still like you, but i'm in pain and am going to bed
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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