Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Randomize
