he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
my shit smells like andre
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
I feel as though I could trust her, I mean she did tell me she was married before we had sex.
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
