i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I AM VODKA MAN
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
