she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
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