Are we in a gay sports bar?
put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
