Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
I checked into jail on foursquare
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
he has the ass of a greek god and he made me breakfast
so in addition to the two guys I slept with last night, and the third that I turned down this morning, a fourth has appeared. best Valentine's Day ever.
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
