Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
You should know that Team Beyonce's Vagina dominated in pong last night
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
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