my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Did I show you my penis last night?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
