Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
So our 'date' consisted of getting drunk off champagne at four and photo-bombing the shit out of tourist's pictures all over the city. Thoughts?
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Bryan's allergic to that cheap detergent, so he's been naked for three days. But we're all used to it now, so the party is still on.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I just spent the better half of my Friday night alone, naked eating McDonalds. Not my worst start of a new year
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I just had a 10 minute staring contest with my dog. Can you come over?
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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