i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I think I'm done drinking. How did we end up partying at a frat house with my mom...
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
So Blakes coming home... so if youre like fingerbanging the shit out of yourself on the kitchen table...wrap it up
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