I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
In honor of Sarah Palin's bday I suggest we watch Nailing Palin
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
i woke up face planted on your ottoman..thanks for letting me sleepover
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
