tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
It's funny to me the only time that you clean up is when your weed delivery man is on the way.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
