i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Why is there an appointment in my calandar called "get the fuck to the bus" at 3 am june 19th?
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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