I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
