she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Banged former boss. Adulthood achievement unlocked.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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