I told her she has a very organized vagina; somehow she took offense.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Randomize