im gay
i know
yea but for you.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Randomize
